As Darlene Lancer has pointed out in her book, Conquering Shame and Codependency, many of the symptoms of codependency are either caused by shame or are defenses to feeling shame. Their self-image and thinking and conduct are other-oriented in order to protect and confirm their self-esteem and fragile, broken self. But the victim mentality blinds us to this. Today she joins Dr. Kim to talk about how couples can stop hitting the same âtender spotsâ over and over and break cycles of repetitive tension. And even if you didnât feel comfortable yet being alone, keep in mind that increasing your exposure to solitude will help you enjoy your alone time more in the future. If your answer is no, leave the box blank. Ariel gets back her voice and marries her prince. Signs You May Be in a Codependent Relationship. Whether you are addicted to drugs and alcohol or your loved one is suffering from addiction, you may be in a codependent relationship or be codependent yourself. The National Mental Health Association defines the following characteristics as some of the most common warning signs of codependency.1,2 It can be family, your spouse a friend who is close to you or maybe someone at work. Textbook signs of codependent personalities are people-pleasing, low self-esteem, and always needing to be in control. It is about forming connections with other beings. If your answer is yes, click the box. But over the years itâs been expanded to include individuals who maintain one-sided, emotionally destructive, or abusive relationships, and those relationships donât necessarily have to be romantic. 3 Ways to Tell if You Are Codependent - wikiHow The term codependency was first used to describe the partner of someone with an addictionâwhose unhealthy choices enable or encourage the addiction to continue. No, they are not. When you catch yourself seeking your partner's approval or acting codependent, consider why that is. âCodependency is a circular relationship in which one person needs the other person, who in turn, needs to be needed.